just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize