she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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