So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Someone came in the potted fern
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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