You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
