I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
