pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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