I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize