Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
