Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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