from now on my penis is your penis
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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