please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
FUCK WHALES
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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