I can tuck mytits in my pants
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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