her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just gargled with NyQuil
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
