mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
