note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize