I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
