one might say we're banned from that church
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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