Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
