We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
