I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
