Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
