dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
