im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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