i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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