Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
