My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
