There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
