Farmville is her only friend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All I want is dick and wine.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
