Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wear drunk well.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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