3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
