So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was confusing and full of hummus
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
