i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
