I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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