You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
