the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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