oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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