Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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