YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just puked most of my soul out..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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