come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
