So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
