Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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