You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
