I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
