we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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