Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
