yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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