It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
