This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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