i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
