Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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