i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
