dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
