well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
