you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
