i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
