I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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