We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize