Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
