I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
