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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism

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• (585): View more from New York

  Congratulations on your moose knuckle.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.

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• (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

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• (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown

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• (310): View more from California

  I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?

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• (951): View more from California

  Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.

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