When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
