He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
