im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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