i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
