I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
