I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
