When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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