Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You ruined the universe
Randomize
