apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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