I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
