I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you had me at cake vodka
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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