I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
