I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
