I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
