Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
