How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
