i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
